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This past couple of months Iapos;ve been eating too much due to boredom. I havenapos;t been this fat for years, and itapos;s killing me. I wish I could just close my mouth and starve until I get back to my regular weight, but every time I start dieting and excercising, something happens and I stop taking care of myself.
Food has been my reguard and my punishment. I eat because Iapos;m bored, because Iapos;m sad, because Iapos;m nervous... Itapos;s like my stomach canapos;t�feel full. And I hate it. I miss�last year, when I was too�busy to�eat and cigarettes were�my escape. I wish I could get another job for the rest of the week, so that I could be out of my place and my beloved food. I know Iapos;m not huge, Iapos;m not obese. But Iapos;m not used to be this fat, to feel like clothes donapos;t fit me, to hate taking pictures because I look like hell. I just want my body back
Iapos;ve been punishing me with pictures of my muse, Kate Moss. Sheapos;s a basketcase, but I love her. And I wish I could get to be as skinny as she is. Iapos;m trying to watch those pictures every day, so I feel guilty and stop eating. I hope it works. Wish me luck. If I do get skinny for Christmas, Iapos;ll feel the happiest person, Iapos;m sure. And maybe, Iapos;ll stop feeling as insecure as Iapos;ve been feeling lately.


If someone reads this and has an advice, Iapos;d love to read it

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